[TRIGGER WARNING: rape, discussion of non-consent] boom.: You know what I find terribly ironic? That girls argue that men shouldn't get a say in abortion because it's "their"...
Above/Title is by OP [lovelyloretta], below/post is reply by me [indigocrayon]:
You know what I find terribly gross?
That you think being pressured into something is something that people allow to happen to themselves. That you care so little about women that you want to shame them for being …
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold on. I meant nothing about women who are raped. My post was not at ALL targeted toward women who are raped. Oh my goodness, girl.
I also was not talking at all about women who are consenting to sex.
I was merely pointing out the irony that there are so many women who don’t want to have sex but do anyway, because they’re afraid that the guy they’re with will break up with them, or that they’ll never get married, etc. etc. As a 19-year-old virgin who is waiting until she’s married to have sex, I’ve heard plenty of, “Yeah, good luck finding a guy who will put up with that,” and things along that line.
And I know many, many, many girls who aren’t even planning on waiting until they’re married, but simply don’t feel ready yet to have sex, but give into the pressure because they’re afraid of losing the guy they’re with.
I just find it sad that this happens so often, yet these are the same people who say a man doesn’t get the right to have any opinion on abortion because it’s not their body. That’s all.
Do you still not see the problematic nature of what you wrote
No one lets themselves be pressured, they are pressured (and being pressured into something is bad and shouldn’t happen! I agree with that, just to be clear). How do you know they are the same people and the reasons why people are having sex. Maybe you’re going off things you know about friends or acquaintances here because I don’t see any major trend that lends truth to the correlation you drew.
I actually see a different sort of correlation now that I think about it:
1. being pressured into sex is bad
2. you shouldn’t have sex just because someone else wants you to, but because you want to also. because yeeee consent
3. as in, being pressured into having sex is bad
4. in the same way, being pressured into going through with a pregnancy or an abortion is also wrong
As I understand it, you’re trying to say something about ‘it’s ironic that people who think no one else should tell them what to do with their body have sex when other people want to” But this is really gross, see, because of what I said about earlier about the wording, but also because
with abortion and the pregnant person getting to choose without anyone else’s input having as much importance as their own, it’s about being able to make a choice about their own body
with someone being pressured into sex, their choice is pretty much taken away from them
I’m having a hard time wording this because I can’t find a way to equate things that I don’t think are equatable. They’re not things you can equate because no one should be pressured into having sex or into having an abortion or carrying through a pregnancy. But you’re implying that people who say abortion should be up to the pregnant person are okay with the decision to have sex not being completely wanted by one involved party. But I see that as false, because to uphold one you necessarily have to uphold the other. That no one should be pressured into anything. And saying people are allowing themselves to be pressured does come off as victim blamey stuff.
edit: with being pressured into sex, the choice is being taken away from them already, so they’re left with a limited area of things to choose from
you can’t equate people wanting to have open choice with a situation where complete free choice is already taken away; coercion means they’re (the person who is coerced) acting within constraints
edit 2: I don’t think pressured sex can really be called consensual. And if something is not consensual it is rape. That is what I was saying earlier in my original reblog.
edit 3: If you’re not talking about women who are raped and you’re not talking about women who have consensual sex, then what women are you talking about even.
I’m talking about women who don’t feel ready to have sex but sleep with someone anyway because they fear that the person they are with will leave them. This happens all of the time - you and I both know that. Just like people are peer pressured into trying drugs and alcohol. I’m not referring to any sort of threatening language or physical abuse being involved.
Not to mention society puts an amazing amount of pressure on girls to have sex young. Look at teen managzines. You and I both know the pressure that society puts on girls specifically, to be sexy, to look a certain way, to be skinny, etc. And every time we respond to those pressures, it’s our own decision. There is no forcing involved, just peer pressure. Yet at the same time, we’re saying it’s our body and no one else gets a say. There’s a frightening disconnect here.
Essentially, the trend I am seeing is that the vast majority of women say that abortion is their right “because it’s their body,” and thusly men are not allowed to have any say in the matter. At the same time, the vast majority of women give into the pressures of society. The countless ones that we feel - all of us, even if we’re able to ignore it, we feel the pressure - from a very young age to modify our bodies and use our bodies in certain ways. That’s the connection I’m making.
