Jay seems to be doing a lot better. He kept saying he didn’t feel much different, but his wonderful smile is back. He was goofy and seemed so unusual today. I was really ecstatic, but then I started noticing things where I felt like he wasn’t paying much attention to me.
During Mass on Sunday, he sat so close to me that at one point I was practically in the crook of his arm. Recently, he started hugging me during the handshake of peace. People already associate us with each other. He was talking to his mom as we walked to the clinic yesterday, and I heard her ask, “Are you alone or are you with Marissa?” And then later that day, he left me in one of the boy’s common rooms to get a soda. Girls aren’t supposed to be left alone, and a guy named Matt came in and asked me if I was originally brought with someone. I said yes, and his response was, “Jay?” I’d never actually met this guy before that moment.
Then today was weird. He didn’t text me at all today, and then during Mass he shook my hand instead of hugging me, left while I was still praying (but waited by the Holy Water font for me), separated from Marykate and me as we went in to get our food, and left twice while we were eating. The second time, I didn’t wait for him to come back because I had to go to Schola.
All during Schola I was miserable, thinking, “What’s going on? A step backward?” Just a few days ago, he was laying his head on my shoulder while I did homework and he played Xbox and said, “I don’t think this whole ‘dating other people thing’ is going to work out. We’ll just have to take it really slow - to protect ourselves.” I’m a-okay with taking things slow, but I don’t like when we regress. So, being a girl, I was freaking out. A lot. I got back to my dorm, ready to wallow in my worries, and came on Tumblr.
Someone reblogged a picture where the only words that weren’t blurred were “Love is patient.”
I feel like such a loser now. Jay is sick! He couldn’t hardly remember what happened yesterday during our conversations this afternoon. Of course he’s acting weird. I need to be patient. If I want this to work out - which I truly do - I need to be able to take things slowly. I need to be able to be okay with days where things seem off because we’re still guarding ourselves - especially when he’s not feeling well!
So tonight I’m going to do as much homework as I can and get a good night’s sleep. I’m so glad I came on Tumblr tonight. It completely changed my mood.
I’d definitely appreciate prayers for patience, just in general. If it doesn’t work out with Jay, if we find that we’re just not right for each other, I need to be patient and try not to desperately look for my husband in every guy I’m attracted to. It’s the biggest problem I have right now. I’m seeking out my husband so badly that I can’t hardly look at a guy without thinking, “Is that him?”
I’ve prayed a lot about this to the Lord, but I need to know that He is the only one I actually need.
Jay has been really sick feeling since Thursday. Coughing, severe back, head, and neck pain, fever. Today I took him in to the clinic, and the doctor seemed extremely worried about his neck pain. We got some prescription antibiotic for him tonight, but the doctor said that regardless of how he feels tomorrow, he wants him to go back in.
He said that if the neck pain isn’t gone, Jay will have to go to the E.R. and they might have to do a spinal tap. I’m so extremely worried about him. I just want him to feel better.
Miraculously, despite everyone else getting sick around here, I’ve been fine. Yay Vitamin C! But after my class tomorrow, if he’s awake, we’re going to go to Mass and then straight to the clinic. Prayers that his resting right now helps him feel better and he doesn’t have to go through any more procedures.
I’m going to be saying a rosary for him tonight before bed. I’d love for anyone else to join me. Goodnight everyone and sleep well!
Hello lady! Your faith is such an inspiration for you. I love the way that you go about your life. I wish you lived closer so we could be close friends. I am so happy that you met this boy and that he's courting you. You seem so happy. I hope that you have a great day today love!
Thank you so much! You’re so sweet. (: I’m happy that I met this boy, too. He’s such a sweetheart. I hope that your day went well, too! Maybe someday we’ll be able to hang out in person. You’re a very wonderful girl.
was perfect and terrific and wonderful and alskdjflawijfwaijf;awlef.
I’ve honestly never left a dance not feeling like trash after. I mean, I only danced a few times (which were so much fun), but then I got to talk to the sweetest boy until 2:30am. And I can’t wait to see him again.
They shouldn’t have the ability to undo everything I’ve worked so hard to go for.
I haven’t felt heartsick this whole time. I was okay when we last parted ways. Even though I wanted you to try to date me, I knew we weren’t supposed to be together, so I handled it. And then when you started dating her a few days ago, I was angry because you led me on - again - with things you did and said last time we were together. I haven’t talked to you since then, and I was okay with that.
But now I had a dream that was everything that I was thinking. And I hate it. I woke up not knowing where I was, and completely unable to fall back asleep for the longest time. I’m so angry that even though I don’t want to be with you, you still have the ability to make me feel so crushed.
So now I’m all dressed up, hoping to see the guy who I might actually have real feelings for today. Either way, I’m all dressed up to spend some time with the Lord who does have real feelings for me, who won’t lead me on, and won’t forget about me when He finds someone else.
I’m frustrated. But usually days that start bad end up being the best. Here’s to praying.
That’s what it looks like outside my room right now. Pouuuuring rain. So what do Marykate and I do? Get in our swimsuits and run around, since we didn’t feel like walking all ten minutes to get dinner.
That means dinner’s getting pushed off, and I’m currently getting by on water, chocolate ice cream, Gardettos, and pepperoni.