Lovely Loretta

I’m going to make it a goal not to miss anymore school this year,
Except for the half-day in March for my college audition.

Fat chance of me succeeding in this,
But it’s practically March already.
I sure as heck can try. 

Whilst talking to my wonderful boyfriend about how to raise children well, I started talking about my mom. About how she never acted like I was too young to understand or should be sheltered by something. I learned about abortion when I was really young, and about sex when I was seven. She’d tell me she loved me all of the time, and she’d rewrite songs for me constantly.

I suddenly got this mental image of her holding me as an infant, and cuddling me and singing to me and telling me how much she loved me. And that picture was so beautiful in my mind, that I almost started to cry. I’m actually choking up as I type this.

And then I started to think about her mom, and how I know her mom was that way, too. (Now I’m crying for real.) All I can think is that I hope and pray to God that I’ll be that perfect of a mother - as both of them.

I figure I have a really good upbringing, so I figure I’ve got a shot. 

School was canceled today because of so many teachers going down to Madison to protest.
I’m going to go and protest with the kids who’ve stayed in La Crosse down at Kids Coulee around two.

Scott Walker, you definitely messed with the wrong people. 

Curled up under the covers in my bed, eating rice Chex and watching a movie.

I haven’t watched a movie by myself in a long freaking time.

Solo & Ensemble

Madrigal - site 8; 8:20am (7:45 warm up)
Dylan’s solo - site 10; 9:10am
Orchestra - site 12; 11:44am (11:20 warm up)
Theatre - site 10; 1:24pm
Dylan theatre - site 9; 1:42pm
Classical solo - site 9; 3:06pm 

Averbeck: “For those of you that have done this for multiple years, you know that time is relative for this event.”

So I’m sitting here on my bed,
It’s nearing on 4am,
I’m doing nothing - thinking about nothing,
And I hear someone’s music playing in their car.
They’re driving so slowly down the block that I can still hear it as I type this.

Thing is, it wasn’t the typical obnoxious I-could-sing-along-with-that-because-it’s-so-loud volume that’s heard these days.
I actually had to look around my room for a moment and focus on the sound.
I clearly heard guitars, but it was so faint it could’ve just been in my mind.
Easily.
I thought for a moment that a song was just stuck so loudly in my head that I was confusing myself by thinking it was an external noise.
(It wouldn’t be the first time this has happened to me - look up migraines and schizophrenia. I dare you.)
Something about it was kinda cool, though.
I don’t know how else to explain it.

It was a sound so quiet that most people would just overlook it,
But it actually made me stop what I was doing and try to figure out what it was.
Sometimes we just need to stop and be quiet,
Because more often than not, it’s the barely audible moments that are the most important. 

And I’m praying that we will see
Something there,
In between
Then and there that exceeds
All we can dream.

And all these twisted thoughts I see,
Jesus, there in between.

alliwant-adtr:

reblog this if you know someone who has either
cut themselves
committed suicide
attempted suicide
suffered/s from depression

or if you have
attempted suicide
cut your self
suffered from depression

the mental state that someone must be in to want to end their life is extremely serious and is very frightening for those who care about them,
this message needs to be broadcast for the world to see and know

And then life happens.
Yet, somehow, teachers expect us to give a crap about what Obama put as his priorities in his State of the Union address. 

Love Poem
Linda Paston

I want to write you
a love poem as headlong
as our creek
after thaw
when we stand
on its dangerous
banks and watch it carry
with it every twig
every dry leaf and branch
in its path
every scruple
when we see it
so swollen
with runoff
that even as we watch
we must grab
each other
and step back
we must grab each
other or
get our shoes
soaked we must
grab each other 

If it wasn’t so cold, I would probably decide to go for a hike up Hixon Forest today.
I don’t even know what came over me, but I have the biggest urge to go.
Looking at the dashboard on my Mac, today’s the warmest it’s going to be all week.
Maybe I’ll just bundle up and go anyway.
Walk one of the easy trails that I always ignored before, just to look around.

I’ve been laying in bed for about nine hours.
My body’s too sore to be here anymore, but my mind is too lazy for me to get up.

I’m so hungry.
I feel like I live my life hungry anymore.
I’m sick of snacking every day.
I want more than just one warm meal at dinner.
It’s not fair that I can’t eat anything at school.
You wanna know what they served yesterday?
Bosco sticks (for those of you who don’t know, those are huge cheese-filled breadsticks), meatball subs and chicken nuggets (with breading, obviously).
It’s been like that all week.
There isn’t anything even close to being wheat-free.
Even the cereals they offer have wheat in them!
On Thursday, all I had until dinner was a banana, a tiny stick of beef jerky and a bottle of apple juice.
So yesterday I was about ready to kill something, and I broke down and had the chicken nuggets.
They were delicious. It’s unreal.
So far so good, and I haven’t gotten sick.
I’m not sure how they expect me to keep my attendance high if they keep serving food that I can’t eat, though. 
Vegetarians are more likely to be satisfied at my school than I am.

I’m not even sure why I’m using my tumblr to ramble.
Rarely do I just open a post and start writing whatever I’m thinking about.
Maybe I could become a writer who uses the “stream of consciousness” style! Ha! 
I think I’m just feeling lonely today.

Anyway, I’m getting my hairs dyed at 2:15!
I’m excited. Jean does a fantastic job, and it’s been a while.
The only color that lasted very long was the blonde, and that’s because you can only be so organic when you’re working with bleach.

I hope today’s awesome, 
Or at least above average.