Whilst talking to my wonderful boyfriend about how to raise children well, I started talking about my mom. About how she never acted like I was too young to understand or should be sheltered by something. I learned about abortion when I was really young, and about sex when I was seven. She’d tell me she loved me all of the time, and she’d rewrite songs for me constantly.
I suddenly got this mental image of her holding me as an infant, and cuddling me and singing to me and telling me how much she loved me. And that picture was so beautiful in my mind, that I almost started to cry. I’m actually choking up as I type this.
And then I started to think about her mom, and how I know her mom was that way, too. (Now I’m crying for real.) All I can think is that I hope and pray to God that I’ll be that perfect of a mother - as both of them.
I figure I have a really good upbringing, so I figure I’ve got a shot.
Madrigal - site 8; 8:20am (7:45 warm up) Dylan’s solo - site 10; 9:10am Orchestra - site 12; 11:44am (11:20 warm up) Theatre - site 10; 1:24pm Dylan theatre - site 9; 1:42pm Classical solo - site 9; 3:06pm
Averbeck: “For those of you that have done this for multiple years, you know that time is relative for this event.”
So I’m sitting here on my bed, It’s nearing on 4am, I’m doing nothing - thinking about nothing, And I hear someone’s music playing in their car. They’re driving so slowly down the block that I can still hear it as I type this.
Thing is, it wasn’t the typical obnoxious I-could-sing-along-with-that-because-it’s-so-loud volume that’s heard these days. I actually had to look around my room for a moment and focus on the sound. I clearly heard guitars, but it was so faint it could’ve just been in my mind. Easily. I thought for a moment that a song was just stuck so loudly in my head that I was confusing myself by thinking it was an external noise. (It wouldn’t be the first time this has happened to me - look up migraines and schizophrenia. I dare you.) Something about it was kinda cool, though. I don’t know how else to explain it.
It was a sound so quiet that most people would just overlook it, But it actually made me stop what I was doing and try to figure out what it was. Sometimes we just need to stop and be quiet, Because more often than not, it’s the barely audible moments that are the most important.
reblog this if you know someone who has either cut themselves committed suicide attempted suicide suffered/s from depression
or if you have attempted suicide cut your self suffered from depression
the mental state that someone must be in to want to end their life is extremely serious and is very frightening for those who care about them, this message needs to be broadcast for the world to see and know
I want to write you a love poem as headlong as our creek after thaw when we stand on its dangerous banks and watch it carry with it every twig every dry leaf and branch in its path every scruple when we see it so swollen with runoff that even as we watch we must grab each other and step back we must grab each other or get our shoes soaked we must grab each other
“If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger: I should not seem a part of it.”—Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights
If it wasn’t so cold, I would probably decide to go for a hike up Hixon Forest today. I don’t even know what came over me, but I have the biggest urge to go. Looking at the dashboard on my Mac, today’s the warmest it’s going to be all week. Maybe I’ll just bundle up and go anyway. Walk one of the easy trails that I always ignored before, just to look around.
I’ve been laying in bed for about nine hours. My body’s too sore to be here anymore, but my mind is too lazy for me to get up.
I’m so hungry. I feel like I live my life hungry anymore. I’m sick of snacking every day. I want more than just one warm meal at dinner. It’s not fair that I can’t eat anything at school. You wanna know what they served yesterday? Bosco sticks (for those of you who don’t know, those are huge cheese-filled breadsticks), meatball subs and chicken nuggets (with breading, obviously). It’s been like that all week. There isn’t anything even close to being wheat-free. Even the cereals they offer have wheat in them! On Thursday, all I had until dinner was a banana, a tiny stick of beef jerky and a bottle of apple juice. So yesterday I was about ready to kill something, and I broke down and had the chicken nuggets. They were delicious. It’s unreal. So far so good, and I haven’t gotten sick. I’m not sure how they expect me to keep my attendance high if they keep serving food that I can’t eat, though. Vegetarians are more likely to be satisfied at my school than I am.
I’m not even sure why I’m using my tumblr to ramble. Rarely do I just open a post and start writing whatever I’m thinking about. Maybe I could become a writer who uses the “stream of consciousness” style! Ha! I think I’m just feeling lonely today.
Anyway, I’m getting my hairs dyed at 2:15! I’m excited. Jean does a fantastic job, and it’s been a while. The only color that lasted very long was the blonde, and that’s because you can only be so organic when you’re working with bleach.
I hope today’s awesome, Or at least above average.
Things I am no where near prepared for: -Finals this week -The college essays I have to write -The scholarship essays I have to write -Full-time school next week -Solo and ensemble next month -Going to college
As wonderful as our Thanksgiving Break was, Winter Beak blew it out of the water. I spent a week with all of my best friends and my boyfriend, reconciled with someone I thought I would never be able to look eye to eye with again and lost my private vocal instructor. Some parts of the past ten days sucked, and at points I hurt more than I ever thought I’d be able to. I think it’s because of that that I also felt more loved and comfortable and part of something than I’d ever felt before. I would not change a single thing from break.
I am beyond content with how life is going for me right now. I hope no one takes that away from me.
You think you’re funny. I know you’re laughing about this right now, but you will not win. You will not bring me down. Life is going great for me right now, all thanks to a King who will forever stand over you.
How dare you try to taint my new worship space. It is completely cleaned of the old memories. But you cannot take this home away from me.
Does the truth frighten you? I bet it does. You know that you will never sway me towards you. You will never make me doubt. No matter how miserable I am in that moment, you cannot distract me from the birth of the Messiah.
I will sing with the choirs of angels much louder than I ever have.
I want Christmas Break 2010 to be epic. Things I want to do between December 23rd and January 3rd: -Go sledding -Have a movie day -Go see the stars on Grandad’s Bluff and the Overpass -Have a huge hang out day with everyone, just telling stories and talking about nothing -Take a bunch of pictures -Have an L4D tournament -Build a snow fort -Go to Goose Island -Play Rock Band with everyone -Go to a movie and literalize everything -Play Apples to Apples -Watch a musical -Watch a Dane Cook video
Monday: caroling in the hallways, second half of 5th hour - nice clothes. Tuesday: Alumni day 5th hour; Unit 6 proficiency test @ 2:30. Wednesday: Orchestra yearbook pictures @ 9:00; lesson with Averbeck @ 10:50; Church choir from 5:00 - 7:00pm; Wifey’s birthday. Thursday: movie with Wifey; time TBA. Friday: Christmas on the Ray side. Mass @ 10:00pm. Saturday: Christmas. Sunday: Eau Claire!
I need to write this down, or I’m gonna lose track of this week.
Monday: music concert @ 7:00pm Tuesday: lesson with Esser @ 9:50; choir @ 11:20 Wednesday: orchestra @ 8:25; lesson with Averbeck @ 10:50; lesson with Polly @ 2:00pm; church choir @ 5:00pm Thursday: Dylan’s coming over to work on Lenore, time TBA Friday: take a nap?! Saturday: recital with Polly @ 3:00pm; movie with Wifey, time TBA Sunday: church choir @ 6:00pm; mass @ 7:00pm
While I think the idea of having a concert that displays all of the music departments is cool, And the idea of having a piece with all of the departments together is even cooler, I can’t stand early morning rehearsals.
Stupid sports occupying the after-school resource.